. Carcass .

Everything feels like an endless ocean. Like I'm swimming for days and days on end, hoping to reach the end of this unending pool. Sometimes it feels like I'll never reach the other end. Sometime it feels like I'll drown. Sometime it feels like my muscles are tightening. Tensing. Locking. Giving up. Sinking. And I am helplessly falling. I've not lost myself completely. My mind is far to ample. Too proud. Too strong. It pushes me even when I am completely broken, as I am now. It pushes me even when I am unable to move. It pushes me when I am on my last breath. When there is nothing left. When I am but a husk.

Right now I am in a dark place. Not one I would enjoy, but a pit of screams and wailing of misery to which I have not felt in decades. It twists my insides and rattles my bones; swells my eyes and cracks my heart and spine in two as though they were mere twigs. I am but a pool of wariness and paranoia. A puzzled tattered soul on the verge of fading into nothingness. But a small candle flickers. I've no idea why it does or where it comes from. But it remains quite a dim beacon. Not one of hope....but one of memory. Of all the perils I have suffered before, and all of the suffering I have yet to endure. This is one of a series. My spirit is folded. Crumpled in two and shivering. Yet still crawling. Somehow moving. Somehow going on. And as my lungs fill with this tar, and my eyes well with sand rather than tears, scraping at the remainder of flesh, my spirit claws through my skin, pulling my carcass with it. By force. Sheer force. And all there is to it now is simply a lingering question.

Where are you taking me...where am I going?